Don’t Be Scared of Hard

It is hard being a child growing up in 2020. Not only is the news filled with world-wide chaos, pandemics, bad news, they have to contend with a tirade of distractions stopping them from just being a child. Whether it’s pressure for the latest phone, video game or clothes, then followed by the social media train of Tik Tok, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook the list goes on. Being a kid just isn’t that simple anymore.

As parents we are trying to navigate this different world and in the midst of it all our number one goal is to have happy kids. We don’t want to see our precious kids going through any kind of pain or negative emotions for the fear that it will have lasting effects in the form of anxiety or depression long into their adult life.

I agree things that happen to us as children shape and mould us, but not every negative situation moulds us for the worse. Let’s take heart from the words in 1 Peter 1:6-7 where it reads, “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

We shy away from our children going through negative experiences, but it is these very experiences that refine them to be strong, resilient, capable adults. It’s ok to suffer grief, loss, hard ships and trials because these are the very things that can make us strong. The Bible goes as far as saying this refining is the very thing that builds our faith which is worth more than gold.

Writer and speaker in the anti bullying realm writes, “Kid’s need to feel bad sometimes. If you want to shock contemporary sensibilities, tell today’s parents that their little ones need to feel life’s inevitable stings from time to time. Not the kind that crushes their spirit, but the kind that awakens their discernment, increases their understanding, and gives them wisdom about the realities of life.” Child psychologist David Elkind says, “We learn from experience, and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope.”

Let your children go through stuff. Be there to support them, share your wisdom, love them and care for them, but don’t stop their growth by trying to fix every situation they find themselves in. Don’t rob them from the teacher of experience. Steer them away from blaming others and help them to have power in their lives by mastering their feelings and overcoming their problems. One day they will leave their parents and we need to send them off with the skills to cope with whatever life throws their way.

The Importance of Teaching Our Children to Be Kind.

 

We have all felt the heartbreak of having our children feel left out, broken and devastated by the subtle exclusion that can go on. Kids at school can be surrounded by lots of people and still be feeling deeply the effects of not fitting in, being left out, or not quite one of the crowd. We need a revolution in kindness to combat this quiet heart ache that is going on.

COVID 19 has found people isolating at home. For some this may be a great time of reconnection with family. For other kids it may be a time of deep disconnection from their friends and school mates. These are the times when we really need to teach our kids to be kind. Even though we may be apart there are so many ways to connect. A kind text message, an invitation to a zoom, hey we could even go old school and write someone a letter. It is so good to teach our children to look out and be kind to others.

Tony Fahkry writes in an article I found, “Kindness has many benefits including increased happiness and a healthy heart. It slows down the aging process and improves relationships and connections, which indirectly boosts your health.” We want our children to be happy and healthy – teach them to be kind.

Colossians 3:12 reads, “.”Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

We’ve heard the saying, “We are all in this together!”. Let’s be like this when it comes to kindness. Deciding to leave no-one out, to be kind to everyone who comes across our path.

Artwork: Adam Halsall
Written by: Mim Butler
Check out this Kindness Poster Pack https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/…/KINDNESS-POSTERS-BIBL…

 

‘I’ vs ‘We’

We are all living in the same pond of life. In a school we all belong to one place, we have the same school emblem on our shirts. In a sports team we play under the one name. We also know that to be a successful team it must be ‘WE’, not ‘I’.

When considering the concept of ‘I’ vs ‘We’ lets look at the meaning of team as a starting point. Team is described in the dictionary as the following:

• A group of players forming one side in a competitive game or sport.
• Two or more people working together.

We often see inspiring movies of great sporting events of teams doing incredible things. One thing I know for sure is that we can’t be in a team of ‘I’.

What is our mindset around our children’s sporting teams, classrooms and places they belong? Do we teach them to be a part of something? or do we focus on the ‘I’ in their lives?. Happiness comes from belonging, but it also comes from putting others first. God’s commandment to us was to ‘Love God and love others’. I have seen children missing opportunities and the blessing of belonging by concentrating on themselves, rather than being part of a bigger picture.  An example of this would be pulling out of a sporting team because instead of trusting the coaches and the selectors they believe themselves to be better suited in another team. Another example would be moving schools because of some sort of offence. When we concentrate on ‘I’, we miss the purpose of being part of a community that helps us to grow, mature and work through life challenges.

Remind your children that they are in a pond and not on an island. Greater joy is found in ‘WE’ than ‘I’. As parents model this to your children in what you focus on in the daily ups and downs of their lives whether it be at home in the family, at school or in a sporting team. Teach them to be givers not takers, contributors not people focussed on self.

Behaviour is Communication

So scrolling Facebook today I came across this statement by Annette Breaux, “Remember: everyone in the classroom has a story that leads to misbehaviour or defiance. 9 times out of 10, the story behind the misbehaviour won’t make you angry. It will break your heart.”

In my role as a School Principal I know this statement to be very true. There has never been a badly behaved child ‘just because’. When it comes to ‘Launching Kids for Life’ we need to teach them to look at the big picture. If they have been badly treated by another, instead of letting them be a victim, teach them to think, “Hurting people hurt others!”. (My girls still groan at this statement because I have said it so much, but it is true). Having a thought pattern like this will help them to understand the big picture. This doesn’t mean they ignore being treated badly, they need to talk it through, but we must always help our kids to forgive, to think the best of the other person even if its hard, and to not get stuck in the trap of offence. These are the kinds of traits that will prosper them and not harm them. It will teach them to be strong and resilient.

I have seen some really bad behaviour, but I have also seen the whole picture (or maybe more of the picture, if not all). Not everyone gets to see the whole picture so it is always best to not judge when a child is misbehaving and instead seek knowledge about the situation and how best to deal with it. My heart has broken over and over again seeing kids situations, but it has broken even more when others have wanted punishment, not knowing the full picture.

Remember when confronted by bad behaviour love always wins! Choose to love through all situations. If Jesus after being beaten, cursed and nailed to a cross can say, “Forgive them Father for they do not know that they are doing” (Luke 23:34) we can also teach our kids to forgive others.

Love,

Mim

Fear

So it’s a pretty common occurrence to have fear about our kids. When they are little it’s usually around them being safe or not getting hurt. When they go to school it can be around a range of things – will they have friends, are people being nice to them, are they happy, will they fit in (I could literally fill this page with heaps of fears). Then when they are grown the fears may still be there – when they are driving, what time are they coming home, are they safe.

Fear can be quite time consuming, not to mention bad for our stress levels and health.

Here are a couple of great scriptures to say to yourself when fear comes – 2 Timothy 1:7 reads, “For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self control.” 1 John 4:18a reads, “Perfect love drives out fear.”

Knowing we are loved by the God of the universe will help us trust Him to take care of our precious kids.

When launching our kids for life we don’t want them to grow up fearful, so we must start by modelling how we deal with fear.

Love,
Mim

 

Launching Kids for Life – Patterns and Habits

When we are launching our children for life it is often the little things that are occurring that need attention before they turn into big things. The habits and patterns that we set up as a child will quite often follow us into adulthood. For example if your child has homework and they choose instead to use their device to play games, this may then lead to an addiction to playing games instead of setting up good homework habits. This can also include things like; being on time, going to bed late, thinking and talking positively, making excuses, blaming others, managing our stress and so on.

Michael Gross from ‘Parenting Ideas’ writes the following: “In primary school when subjects became too hard, his son would make excuses and give in. His parents would often be at school pleading their son’s case for teachers to ease up. “He’s only a boy. Don’t push him too hard!” was the approach they’d take. Jeremy’s son also chopped and changed at leisure and sporting activities, never seeing any activity through to completion. As soon as he met with difficult people, didn’t get his own way or the learning/competition became too hard he gave in and went on to try something else. His dad allowed him to keep changing activities in the hope that he would find something he was good at. In doing so, he allowed his son to develop the habit of avoidance. Eventually, this habit after so many repetitions became a life pattern, which is difficult to break. Now as an adult as soon as he meets with resistance or difficulty of any kind at work and in relationships his immediate response is to look for new opportunities, rather than work through the difficulties to achieve mastery. The pattern of avoidance has become so ingrained that his son simply cannot see anything difficult through. The tragedy of course, is that a worthwhile achievement of any kind, whether it’s getting a qualification, mastering a musical instrument or learning a new language, will always present significant challenges that need to be worked through. By continually giving in, this young man will never achieve anything of significance, unless he adopts a new pattern, which takes considerable commitment and work.”

This example outlines a situation where we can think we are helping our children, but in reality in the long run, looking at the big picture it hasn’t helped this child. As parents and adults in these children’s lives its important that we allow our children to learn and grow is a positive way that will bless them and help them in their future life.

It is our role as adults to help our children develop good habits and positive life patterns.

Some of the habits Michael Gross outlines in his article include:
1.) Pattern of contribution – expect your children to contribute in the life of the family, school, sporting clubs whatever they are doing.
2.) Pattern of self-sufficiency – increasing responsibility, taking personal responsibility for behaviours.
3.) Pattern of problem-solving – like last weeks newsletter article on independence we must let our children work through some of the issues and problems they encounter. This will help them grow into adults that can problem solve.
4.) Pattern of help-seeking – we need to encourage our children to ask for help when they need it. This is a good pattern to have in life to help work through issues that arise.
5.) Pattern of expressing gratitude – being happy with what we have got is a pattern that we need to instil in our children. Gratitude will help with resilience.

Romans 12:2 writes “Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Pattern changing starts in our minds and making a considered decision to not just deal with the now, but look at the long term patterns our decisions and actions.

Love,

Mim

Launching Kids for Life

Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. Being a School Principal of a few hundred kids is also pretty rewarding. It’s also complicated. Life these days isn’t really that easy.

When I was a kid my days were full of school, running home, dodging swooping magpies, a quick Hi! to Mum and then out to the park to play till dark. Building cubbies, honkey nuts wars with the neighbours, trying to catch yabbies on a string at the dam, all equalled fun times. I remember being free as a kid. Outdoors was the norm. We felt safe to be gone from our parents from dawn to dusk. I think it was quite simple. We still had a bit of bullying, we still had our ups and downs, but we didn’t really have to navigate the complexities of a social media world, competition at every corner and extreme busyness.

These are some of the things I see in my role as a School Principal. I see a complex world, that both adults and kids are trying to navigate their way through. This is the first generation to be living in such an online platform and it is hard. We have access to the world but yet our world seems smaller. My question is – are we living in freedom? Are we launching our kids into a healthy, free life.

Are we launching our children into a life that is beneficial? 1 Corinthians 10:23 writes, “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.”

This blog is aimed at sharing some of what I see on a daily basis and hopefully my ramblings might help someone with the journey we are on. Let’s call it a constructive conversation.

I hope you will enjoy my blog about ‘Launching Kids into Life’.