When we are launching our children for life it is often the little things that are occurring that need attention before they turn into big things. The habits and patterns that we set up as a child will quite often follow us into adulthood. For example if your child has homework and they choose instead to use their device to play games, this may then lead to an addiction to playing games instead of setting up good homework habits. This can also include things like; being on time, going to bed late, thinking and talking positively, making excuses, blaming others, managing our stress and so on.
Michael Gross from ‘Parenting Ideas’ writes the following: “In primary school when subjects became too hard, his son would make excuses and give in. His parents would often be at school pleading their son’s case for teachers to ease up. “He’s only a boy. Don’t push him too hard!” was the approach they’d take. Jeremy’s son also chopped and changed at leisure and sporting activities, never seeing any activity through to completion. As soon as he met with difficult people, didn’t get his own way or the learning/competition became too hard he gave in and went on to try something else. His dad allowed him to keep changing activities in the hope that he would find something he was good at. In doing so, he allowed his son to develop the habit of avoidance. Eventually, this habit after so many repetitions became a life pattern, which is difficult to break. Now as an adult as soon as he meets with resistance or difficulty of any kind at work and in relationships his immediate response is to look for new opportunities, rather than work through the difficulties to achieve mastery. The pattern of avoidance has become so ingrained that his son simply cannot see anything difficult through. The tragedy of course, is that a worthwhile achievement of any kind, whether it’s getting a qualification, mastering a musical instrument or learning a new language, will always present significant challenges that need to be worked through. By continually giving in, this young man will never achieve anything of significance, unless he adopts a new pattern, which takes considerable commitment and work.”
This example outlines a situation where we can think we are helping our children, but in reality in the long run, looking at the big picture it hasn’t helped this child. As parents and adults in these children’s lives its important that we allow our children to learn and grow is a positive way that will bless them and help them in their future life.
It is our role as adults to help our children develop good habits and positive life patterns.
Some of the habits Michael Gross outlines in his article include:
1.) Pattern of contribution – expect your children to contribute in the life of the family, school, sporting clubs whatever they are doing.
2.) Pattern of self-sufficiency – increasing responsibility, taking personal responsibility for behaviours.
3.) Pattern of problem-solving – like last weeks newsletter article on independence we must let our children work through some of the issues and problems they encounter. This will help them grow into adults that can problem solve.
4.) Pattern of help-seeking – we need to encourage our children to ask for help when they need it. This is a good pattern to have in life to help work through issues that arise.
5.) Pattern of expressing gratitude – being happy with what we have got is a pattern that we need to instil in our children. Gratitude will help with resilience.
Romans 12:2 writes “Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Pattern changing starts in our minds and making a considered decision to not just deal with the now, but look at the long term patterns our decisions and actions.
Love,
Mim
Launching Your Kids for Life 